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David O'Connor
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25 September 2025
Why We Complain at Work and How to Stop Feeding the Fire
We’ve all seen it: a problem arises, and suddenly the meeting, the email thread, the coffee break… it’s all complaints. Venting becomes routine. And somewhere along the way, complaining becomes…..normal.
Here’s the uncomfortable truth: we’re wired to complain. That doesn’t make us lazy or negative. It makes us human. Complaints are natural and can even be a useful signal but left unchecked they can spiral into toxic energy. The question is: how do we channel that energy productively?
Why we complain
1. Negativity bias: Our brains notice threats faster than rewards. Spotting what’s wrong helped our ancestors survive. At work, it hijacks attention and fuels endless problem-spotting.
1. Negativity bias: Our brains notice threats faster than rewards. Spotting what’s wrong helped our ancestors survive. At work, it hijacks attention and fuels endless problem-spotting.
2. Dopamine hits for venting: Complaining triggers a small reward in our brain. It feels productive even when it isn’t. No wonder we do it over and over.
3. Loss aversion & threat perception: We fear losses more than we chase gains. Broken processes, missed deadlines, inefficiencies. They feel like threats. Complaining is the brain’s primitive way of saying, “Heads up. Danger.”
4. Social and emotional bonding: Complaining isn’t just venting; it’s social glue. Venting releases oxytocin. Complaints bond teams, give a sense of belonging: “You get me.” But repeated venting also normalizes negativity, especially when leaders give it attention.
5. Cognitive load & mental shortcuts: Stress overload makes solutions harder than complaints. Spotting problems is easier than generating ideas, so the brain defaults to griping.
The hidden costs: when complaints spiral
Complaints aren’t inherently bad, but left unchecked they dominate attention or go unaddressed, and can generate friction that grinds teams to a halt:
- Energy drain: Complaining hijacks attention and cognitive resources. The more time we spend venting, the less mental bandwidth we have for problem-solving or meaningful work.
- Momentum killer: Every gripe that isn’t acted on reinforces stagnation. Teams get trapped in cycles of noticing problems without moving forward. Complaints without follow-up create a feedback loop of frustration.
- Culture contagion: Negative energy spreads faster than positive energy. Shared venting bonds people, but it bonds them around negativity, normalizing cynicism. When leaders just listen to complaints without guiding them constructively, it makes the problem often feel bigger.
- Innovation blocker: Problem-focused brains are resource-hogging brains. Constant griping leaves little cognitive space for experimentation, creative thinking, or risk-taking.
- Psychological toll: Chronic complaining heightens stress and triggers anxiety loops. Loss-aversion wiring and threat perception keep the brain stuck in survival mode, making small challenges feel like crises.
Complaints as energy: Friction or fire
Think of complaints as energy. How that energy flows determines whether it sparks progress or stalls it:
- Personal energy: How we each channel our own complaints / reactions. Pause. Reflect. Act or let it go.
- Cultural energy: How team dynamics and leadership shape whether frustration festers or sparks momentum.
Managed well, that friction becomes fire: highlighting friction, sparking experimentation, and driving progress. Left unchecked, it just grinds people down.
Channelling complaint energy
Personal tools:
- Pause before you vent: Even 10 seconds interrupts the dopamine loop. Ask: “Am I venting or acting?”
- Own your influence: Tiny actions matter. You don’t need permission to test a small change.
- Mind your tone: Words carry energy. Choose ones that inform, not infect.
Cultural tools:
- Set clear norms: Encourage conversations that balance honesty with action.
- Ask better questions: Replace “Why is this broken?” with “What’s one small step we can try?”
- Celebrate attempts: Recognize effort and experiments, not just problem-spotting.
- Micro-experiments: Small, testable changes bypass cognitive overload and build momentum.
The takeaway
Complaints are natural. They’re signals that something is off. The problem is when they dominate, drain energy, and cement cynicism.
Leaders and teams that notice complaints and intentionally channel the energy into reflection, experiments and action unlock a different kind of momentum: friction fuels movement rather than paralysis.
Next time a gripe arises, don’t just vent. Pause. Assess. Act. Direct the energy. Stop feeding the fire and start wielding it.
David O'Connor
David O’Connor is Director of Strategy & Innovation at Common Purpose. In his role, he leads the development of new approaches, and learning experiences that push the boundaries of leadership development. David is passionate about redefining how we prepare leaders to navigate complexity, and is driven by the belief that disruptive thinking can unlock powerful, inclusive impact in communities and organizations.
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